The 5 most common mistakes that create chaos for families after a death — and how to prevent them
Small steps you can take now to save your family—or whoever you’d trust to handle things—time, money, and heartache later.
When someone dies, we often brace ourselves for grief. But what most people don’t expect is the logistical side of loss—the avalanche of admin that arrives seemingly overnight. The race to find documents, unlock accounts, make urgent decisions, and handle dozens of tasks during an already tender time. So many families don’t realize how much confusion and decision-making falls on loved ones until it’s too late.
Families often think they’re “all set” because a trust or will exists. Then, in the middle of everything, they discover no one knows where anything is, who is supposed to do what, or how to access the accounts that keep life running.
The truth is, both planning ahead and navigating a loss in real time can be overwhelming. But a few small steps now can prevent most of the chaos, conflict, and confusion that many families face later.
With a little clarity and preparation, the people who love you can move through that time with far more ease, less guesswork, and a greater sense of peace.
Why this happens so often
Many people assume that having a will or trust means their affairs are “handled.” But wills and trusts typically only cover legal and financial instructions—they often miss the practical, human details that make things work in real life.
Things like:
How to access important accounts
Who is handling what tasks
Where documents and passwords are stored
What needs attention in the first few days
Those small details—usually unspoken—are what most often create stress for families, chosen family, or close friends after a death.
Here are the five mistakes we see most often (even when legal documents are in place), and what you can do to avoid them.
Mistake #1: Legal documents exist, but no one knows where they are
Real life: The family is certain a will exists—somewhere. Weeks go by while they search through drawers, email accounts, and file folders. Meanwhile, decisions stall, bills pile up, and tension grows.
How to prevent it:
Keep your original, signed documents (like your will, trust, and powers of attorney) in a safe, protected spot at home or in a secure location—like a safe-deposit box (just make sure someone has legal access if you choose that route).
Save digital backup copies in a password-protected, secure place (like a password manager or a locked cloud folder).
Leave a short note that says where the originals live and how to access the backups.
Tell two trusted people where these documents are kept and how to get to them if needed (usually your executor and one backup).
Mistake #2: No one has the passwords or passcodes to access anything
Real life: A family tries to pay bills, close accounts, or access benefits—but no one can unlock the phone or email. Without that, they can’t get into bank accounts, insurance portals, or 2FA codes. Everything grinds to a halt.
How to prevent it:
Make sure a trusted person can access your important accounts if they ever need to. Most password managers (like 1Password) let you name an emergency contact or create an Emergency Kit to share for backup access.
If you don’t use a password manager, store your phone and computer passcodes in a secure spot at home and let your trusted person know where to find them in an emergency.
Keep device passcodes separate and secure. Even if you planned for someone to access to your passwords, they might get stuck if they can’t unlock your phone or computer to get to them.
Mistake #3: No one knows who’s in charge
Real life: When no one is clearly “in charge,” families end up duplicating tasks, missing things, or arguing about who should do what. Stress rises quickly, and small misunderstandings can strain relationships when people are already grieving.
How to prevent it:
Choose a primary point person for the early logistics and a backup in case they’re unavailable.
Have a quick conversation about whether this is the same person you’ve named as executor or someone else. It can be anyone you trust to stay organized and communicate clearly—you just want to decide now, not in a crisis.
Write down the names and share the plan with your people so everyone knows who’s leading if something happens. This helps avoid confusion, conflict, and “Who’s handling this?” moments later.
Mistake #4: There’s no “Start Here” guide, so no one knows what to do first
Real life: Families often open a laptop or file cabinet to find documents, folders, and account info—but no clear starting point. One woman we spoke with keeps a file on her desktop labeled: “When I die, open this” so her kids won’t have to guess where to begin.
David, on the other hand, added a short section in his Letter of Instruction listing the key autopayments and income streams that keep his small business running. That simple list ensured nothing essential was shut off while his family decided whether to keep the business, hire help, or sell it.
How to prevent it:
Create a simple “Start Here” note (often called a Letter of Instruction) to guide your people through the first steps. It isn’t a legal document—it’s a quick-start guide that makes your legal documents usable.
Include at least these essentials:
Where to find key documents (will, trust, POAs, tax returns, Social Security card, birth/marriage certificates)
Who to contact first (names + phone numbers), plus professionals who have helped you (attorney, CPA, financial advisor)
What to handle in the first few days (a few calm, doable basics)
Any wishes or guidance that your legal docs don’t spell out
Save it somewhere obvious and tell at least one trusted person where it lives.
If you’re using the Advance Planning Course, we walk you through this and include a guided template in your custom Tracker so you don’t have to start from scratch.
Mistake #5: The plan exists, but no one’s been told about it
Real life: Many people complete a will or advance directive, tuck it away, and assume “I’m all set.” But if the people named in those documents don’t know what exists, where things are, or what role they’ve been given, they’re left second-guessing during a moment that’s already deeply emotional.
How to prevent it:
Loop in the people named in your plan — especially anyone who may have responsibilities later. These conversations can feel tender, awkward, or emotionally loaded. That’s normal.
You don’t have to go through everything at once. Focus on the essentials: what you’ve set up, where things are kept, and who you’ve named to do what.
Keep it honest and human. You’re not aiming for a perfect family meeting — you’re offering clarity so no one is blindsided, left guessing, or forced to make decisions in the dark during an already hard moment.
If you’re planning ahead: start with one small step
You don’t have to tackle your entire plan all at once. Truly—one small action can make a meaningful difference later.
Consider choosing one of these:
Tell one trusted person where your will, trust, or “Start Here” note lives.
Make a plan to gather or update your parents’ or partner’s passcodes.
Store digital backups of key documents in one secure, organized place.
Decide who your first “point person” would be—and let them know.
Small steps like these go a long way toward easing the burden for the people who love you most.
If you want to make things easier for the people you love, we can help.
The practical side of loss catches most families off guard — and it doesn’t have to.
If you’re planning ahead, our Advance Planning Course walks with you step-by-step to get things organized with clarity, not overwhelm.
A small amount of planning now can spare the people you love from confusion and stress later.
FAQ’s
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The core documents most people need are a will, a trust, financial power of attorney, advance directive, and a HIPAA release. These cover who handles your affairs, how decisions are made if you’re unable to communicate, and how your assets are transferred. Some people may also need additional beneficiary designations, guardianship plans for children or pets, and instructions for digital accounts. These documents work together to make sure your wishes are clear and legally recognized. Having them organized in one place—and making sure at least one trusted person knows where they are—can prevent confusion and delays later.
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A will outlines who inherits your belongings and who carries out your wishes after death, but it usually must go through probate court—a public and sometimes lengthy process. A will is also the only place where you can legally name guardians for minor children, which makes it essential for parents or caregivers. A living trust, on the other hand, allows assets to transfer privately and often more quickly, without court involvement. Most people benefit from having both: a trust to handle major assets and avoid probate, and a simple “pour-over will” to name guardians and direct anything left outside the trust into it. A trust can also help if you become incapacitated, because it can allow someone you choose to step in and manage things right away.
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An advance directive outlines your medical wishes if you’re ever unable to communicate them yourself. It typically names a healthcare proxy—someone you trust to make decisions on your behalf. This document helps your loved ones and doctors stay aligned during difficult medical moments. Having one in place brings peace of mind to both you and your family because it prevents confusion and conflict when emotions are high.
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An executor (sometimes called a personal representative) is the person named in your will who is responsible for managing your estate after you die. They handle tasks like filing the will with the court, going through probate if required, paying final bills and taxes, closing accounts, and distributing assets according to your will. If you have a living trust, you’ll also name a successor trustee—this person manages and distributes the assets held in the trust, often without probate and with fewer delays. Sometimes the same person can serve both roles, but they don’t have to. In your planning, it helps to name a backup for each role, in case your first choice can’t serve when the time comes.
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Probate is the court process that reviews and validates your will, settles debts, and ensures assets are distributed properly. It can take months—or even years—depending on the complexity of the estate. Because probate is public and can be costly, many people use a revocable living trust to keep things private and speed up the transfer process. Keeping documents updated and assets titled correctly also helps your loved ones avoid probate delays.
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It varies. Some people start by organizing their documents and wishes on their own or with a planning tool, and then choose to involve an attorney for review or for more complex needs. A lawyer can offer legal guidance that’s specific to your situation, especially if you have children, a home, or shared assets. If you’re unsure, speaking with a qualified estate attorney can give you clarity and confidence in your plan.
